I had a revelation over break. It seems like something I have realized before, but when you see the issue in different situations, sometimes it can seem completely new. Its the difference between being organized and prepared and being a control freak. Which can also be the difference between obedience and sin. Surprised? Let me show you what I mean...
When I first thought I was expecting, Maria commented on my Facebook about how this would be THE most planned baby ever. It was spoken in love and obviously meant as a joke, but those words haunted me ever since...Especially when we learned we were not expecting at all.
I consider myself a highly organized person. Even when I am not organized, I feel guilty about my lack of organization. I enjoy planning ahead. I had my wedding mostly planned at age 5, remember? :) I never saw it as a problem. Its not really, but the issue I'm speaking of is when the planning becomes The Plan and the control of The Plan becomes something we hold onto.
Planning for a rainy day is being a wise steward. Preparing for guests and family is part of being "a Proverbs 31 woman". Making goals for the future helps us see how our actions today affect our lives down the road. TELLING GOD "this is my timeline", "this would be the ideal time", "I can't do that then"...That's essentially telling God that you know what's best for you regardless of what He has planned and if He would work with your plan your world will be rosy because you have it all planned out.
I know. It doesn't sound half bad. We all like knowing what's coming. We can think of "ideal" times for such things as marriage, babies, college, a job change, etc. I look back on my life just a few years ago and it looks "ideal". I went to college right after high school, got engaged right before my senior year, got married right after graduation, bought a house, and settled down to live happily ever after. And while I HAVE the happily ever after when it comes to my MARRIAGE, it certainly doesn't seem to be going the way I thought it would! For one thing, I expected a job that I still do not have 2 1/2 years later. I used to cry and ask God "Why? Why can't I have a classroom and students of my own?" Now I know the answer. God said "Not now, there's something you need to know first". Jeremy and I can both attest to what we have learned through it. Dependence. On God especially and also on each other. We would not make it without God's provision. We are not self-reliant. We look back now and say "Wow, if you had had a job when we first got married we probably would have the new car, the new computer, the dining room set, etc...But we would have done it all on OUR OWN. We wouldn't be spending our time praying and thanking God for providing what we need. Sure we might thank Him, but it wouldn't be nearly the same. It would be like a child thanking a parent for a Christmas gift they expected versus thanking someone for a check in the mail that was completely unexpected and just at the right time.
I'm losing my focus, so here's the main thing I learned. In August I TOLD God "Looking at my calendar, a summer baby would be best. August and September wouldn't be great, especially if I'm starting a job..." And I started planning ahead accordingly. Last week I told God "Who am I to tell You what to do? You know the desires of my heart--of our hearts. I trust You and YOUR TIMING with my job situation and with our family. If You say "Yes", I say "yes, Lord". If you say "Not right now", I'll say "yes, Lord" (though I know it will be hard). "YOU are God, I am not, and that's how it SHOULD be. Put me back in my place."
So now I am working hard to truly live in the PRESENT and not keep planning a future I have limited control over. It's very freeing actually. It can be quite stressful to plan for something you really have no control over. :P
And that's what I have learned about control. Hope its an encouragement!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Princesses and Pixies
I met a pixie today. Somehow she escaped from Faerieland and is living in Linville. She was tiny and serious with a brown ponytail that looks like it should be crowned with silver flowers. "Ma petite fée" did not have pointed ears, but they looked like they could be without much effort. She walked in a dreamland all her own, where mortals cannot tread, and spoke with an air of royalty. True to form, she floated around the room--when the other children were busy building with Legos and K-Nex and playing on the computers--with a wand of blue topped with a white snowflake (as seen by those with faerie sight...to others it looked like a blue stick with a white K-Nex piece on top) and asked me quite seriously if I could find a princess in the room (how did she know that's what I love to do best?!) "I am a fairy godmother," she said, "looking for a princess but I cannot find one." (This surprised me not a little considering I knew for a fact that an Elven princess was at the computer that very minute. Apparently I am not the only woman in this area who thinks the name Arwen is quite lovely, but that is a matter for another day.)
You may wonder how I knew this little one was from Faerie. It is easy to recognize them actually, if you know what to look for. This one gave herself away in the library when she told the librarian with a completely straight face, and no forewarning or reason: "I was made to sing and dance" then walked away without a backward glance. (That rhyme was unintentional. Glance is just such a better word than look.) And then there was the comment by the other teacher at recess, something about her living in her own world and being so incredibly happy in it she made others (the adults) wish they knew what went on in her mind. I think I understand.
You may wonder how I knew this little one was from Faerie. It is easy to recognize them actually, if you know what to look for. This one gave herself away in the library when she told the librarian with a completely straight face, and no forewarning or reason: "I was made to sing and dance" then walked away without a backward glance. (That rhyme was unintentional. Glance is just such a better word than look.) And then there was the comment by the other teacher at recess, something about her living in her own world and being so incredibly happy in it she made others (the adults) wish they knew what went on in her mind. I think I understand.
"There is such a place as fairyland - but only children can find the way to it. And they do not know that it is fairyland until they have grown so old that they forget the way. One bitter day, when they seek it and cannot find it, they realize what they have lost; and that is the tragedy of life. On that day the gates of Eden are shut behind them and the age of gold is over. Henceforth they must dwell in the common light of common day. Only a few, who remain children at heart, can ever find that fair, lost path again; and blessed are they above mortals. They, and only they, can bring us tidings from that dear country where we once sojourned and from which we must evermore be exiles. The world calls them its singers and poets and artists and story-tellers; but they are just people who have never forgotten the way to fairyland."
— L.M. Montgomery (The Story Girl)
"Faerie is a perilous land, and in it are pitfalls for the unwary and dungeons for the overbold...While he is there it is dangerous for him to ask too many questions, lest the gates should be shut and the keys be lost."--JRR Tolkien
"If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world."
-- C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
— L.M. Montgomery (The Story Girl)
"Faerie is a perilous land, and in it are pitfalls for the unwary and dungeons for the overbold...While he is there it is dangerous for him to ask too many questions, lest the gates should be shut and the keys be lost."--JRR Tolkien
"If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world."
-- C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Monday, November 23, 2009
Musings on Plum Puffs
Like yesterday, inspiration came from L. M. Montgomery. I can hear Anne in my head again...only this time her words are from the movies. Anne seems to have the incredible knack for coming up with the best lines for when you are at your worst:
Anne Shirley: My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes. That's a sentence I read once and I say it over to comfort myself in these times that try the soul.
Anne Shirley: This is the most tragical thing that has ever happened to me.
Anne Shirley: Can't you even IMAGINE you're in the depths of despair?
Anne Shirley: Tears don't hurt like the ache does.
Marilla Cuthbert: You set your heart too much on frivolous things and then crash down into despair when you don't get them.
Anne Shirley: I know. I can't help flying up on the wings of anticipation. It's as glorious as soaring through a sunset... almost pays for the thud.
Marilla Cuthbert: Well, maybe it does. But I'd rather walk calmly along and do without flying AND thud.
And my personal favorite...
Anne Shirley: Plum puffs won't minister to a mind diseased in a world that's crumbled into pieces.
I had a real discussion with myself today. It is a habit of mine to be far more dramatic in my thoughts than what is probably called for in any given situation, and I called myself on it. I was upstairs crying and the line about plum puffs suddenly came to mind. And it caused me to think. "...a mind diseased in a world that's crumbled into pieces." I may be sad, I may be confused, my heart may be hurt...but my mind is not a mind diseased. I have a promise from God that I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a SOUND mind. And is my world crumbled to pieces? Hardly. Oh oh! Another line just hit me... "all it does is delay it for awhile". WHERE is that from??!?! But that's the truth. I may not be a mother now, but to throw in another dramatic woman's line, "tomorrow is another day!"
Ah, its from The Princess Bride. "Death cannot stop true love, all it does is delay it for awhile." A perfect thought isn't it?
So I can make no promises that I will not continue to fly up on the wings of anticipation, since it is quite glorious and DOES almost pay for the thud. Besides, I do not agree with Marilla that "I'd rather walk calmly along and do without flying and thud"...That's frightfully boring. But I believe there is a place to fall that is higher than despair and, while it still results in a thud, it is a place of peace and safety...The arms of God. So like a little bird just learning to use her wings, I will continue to fly in anticipation and when I face "times that try the soul" I will choose to believe that I am in the hands of a loving Father and He knows the plans He has for me...Plans not to harm me, but to give me a future and a hope. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Anne Shirley: My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes. That's a sentence I read once and I say it over to comfort myself in these times that try the soul.
Anne Shirley: This is the most tragical thing that has ever happened to me.
Anne Shirley: Can't you even IMAGINE you're in the depths of despair?
Anne Shirley: Tears don't hurt like the ache does.
Marilla Cuthbert: You set your heart too much on frivolous things and then crash down into despair when you don't get them.
Anne Shirley: I know. I can't help flying up on the wings of anticipation. It's as glorious as soaring through a sunset... almost pays for the thud.
Marilla Cuthbert: Well, maybe it does. But I'd rather walk calmly along and do without flying AND thud.
And my personal favorite...
Anne Shirley: Plum puffs won't minister to a mind diseased in a world that's crumbled into pieces.
I had a real discussion with myself today. It is a habit of mine to be far more dramatic in my thoughts than what is probably called for in any given situation, and I called myself on it. I was upstairs crying and the line about plum puffs suddenly came to mind. And it caused me to think. "...a mind diseased in a world that's crumbled into pieces." I may be sad, I may be confused, my heart may be hurt...but my mind is not a mind diseased. I have a promise from God that I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a SOUND mind. And is my world crumbled to pieces? Hardly. Oh oh! Another line just hit me... "all it does is delay it for awhile". WHERE is that from??!?! But that's the truth. I may not be a mother now, but to throw in another dramatic woman's line, "tomorrow is another day!"
Ah, its from The Princess Bride. "Death cannot stop true love, all it does is delay it for awhile." A perfect thought isn't it?
So I can make no promises that I will not continue to fly up on the wings of anticipation, since it is quite glorious and DOES almost pay for the thud. Besides, I do not agree with Marilla that "I'd rather walk calmly along and do without flying and thud"...That's frightfully boring. But I believe there is a place to fall that is higher than despair and, while it still results in a thud, it is a place of peace and safety...The arms of God. So like a little bird just learning to use her wings, I will continue to fly in anticipation and when I face "times that try the soul" I will choose to believe that I am in the hands of a loving Father and He knows the plans He has for me...Plans not to harm me, but to give me a future and a hope. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
"It was three o'clock in the morning – the wisest and most accursed hour of the clock. But sometimes it sets us free."
— L.M. Montgomery (The Blue Castle)
— L.M. Montgomery (The Blue Castle)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The Tomorow Road
"The Today Road is by the brook and we call it that because it is lovely now. The Yesterday Road is out in the stumps where Lofty John cut some trees down and we call it that because it used to be lovely. The Tomorrow Road is just a tiny path in the maple clearing and we call it that because it is going to be lovely some day..."
L.M Montgomery (Emily of New Moon)
I actually spent over a week just thinking of a name for this blog. I wanted something interesting, something faerie, and something bookish that was only 3 or 4 words long, which believe me is harder than it may seem! I was working on my first writing assignment for my Institute of Children's Literature course and my brainstorming sent me to my bookshelf for some good old-fashioned fairy stories and some L.M Montgomery, who--though she did not write about faerie--knew how to get there. So I was reading Emily of New Moon last night and the quote about her roads jumped out at me. One thing I love about Anne Shirley and Emily Starr is their ability to name places and things. Anne has her Lake of Shining Waters and Lover's Lane, but Emily has some of the best names: the Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow Roads, the Disappointed House, the Wind Woman, and The Three Princesses (trees). So I chose the name The Tomorrow Road for this blog because while we are walking the Today Road and living in the present, TOMORROW is such a lovely word and the choices we make and the way we live today help create our tomorrow. Its kind of like one of my favorite movie quotes: "What we do in life echoes in eternity." I want my day-to-day life to make good echoes. I want to think and write about what is meaningful, important, and lasting. So I really don't know what all I will write in this blog...Sometimes musings on my writing course, sometimes about the baby (my darling munchkin: MDM), occasionally I may post my favorite quotes or thoughts on the book(s) I am reading. That's how I am going to start. But I hope that whatever I post is uplifting, encouraging, and smells of roses and not of skunk cabbage! I am in a L.M Montgomery mood tonight, so I found some of my favorite quotes--thank goodness for Google or I'd be up all night trying to find them in my books! A baby post will probably come tomorrow!
"There is such a place as fairyland - but only children can find the way to it. And they do not know that it is fairyland until they have grown so old that they forget the way. One bitter day, when they seek it and cannot find it, they realize what they have lost; and that is the tragedy of life. On that day the gates of Eden are shut behind them and the age of gold is over. Henceforth they must dwell in the common light of common day. Only a few, who remain children at heart, can ever find that fair, lost path again; and blessed are they above mortals. They, and only they, can bring us tidings from that dear country where we once sojourned and from which we must evermore be exiles. The world calls them its singers and poets and artists and story-tellers; but they are just people who have never forgotten the way to fairyland."
— L.M. Montgomery (The Story Girl)
"Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive--it's such an interesting world. It wouldn't be half so interesting if we know all about everything, would it? There'd be no scope for imagination then, would there?"
— L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)
"Look at that sea, girls--all silver and shadow and vision of things not seen. We couldn't enjoy its loveliness any more if we had millions of dollars and ropes of diamonds."
— L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)
L.M Montgomery (Emily of New Moon)
I actually spent over a week just thinking of a name for this blog. I wanted something interesting, something faerie, and something bookish that was only 3 or 4 words long, which believe me is harder than it may seem! I was working on my first writing assignment for my Institute of Children's Literature course and my brainstorming sent me to my bookshelf for some good old-fashioned fairy stories and some L.M Montgomery, who--though she did not write about faerie--knew how to get there. So I was reading Emily of New Moon last night and the quote about her roads jumped out at me. One thing I love about Anne Shirley and Emily Starr is their ability to name places and things. Anne has her Lake of Shining Waters and Lover's Lane, but Emily has some of the best names: the Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow Roads, the Disappointed House, the Wind Woman, and The Three Princesses (trees). So I chose the name The Tomorrow Road for this blog because while we are walking the Today Road and living in the present, TOMORROW is such a lovely word and the choices we make and the way we live today help create our tomorrow. Its kind of like one of my favorite movie quotes: "What we do in life echoes in eternity." I want my day-to-day life to make good echoes. I want to think and write about what is meaningful, important, and lasting. So I really don't know what all I will write in this blog...Sometimes musings on my writing course, sometimes about the baby (my darling munchkin: MDM), occasionally I may post my favorite quotes or thoughts on the book(s) I am reading. That's how I am going to start. But I hope that whatever I post is uplifting, encouraging, and smells of roses and not of skunk cabbage! I am in a L.M Montgomery mood tonight, so I found some of my favorite quotes--thank goodness for Google or I'd be up all night trying to find them in my books! A baby post will probably come tomorrow!
"There is such a place as fairyland - but only children can find the way to it. And they do not know that it is fairyland until they have grown so old that they forget the way. One bitter day, when they seek it and cannot find it, they realize what they have lost; and that is the tragedy of life. On that day the gates of Eden are shut behind them and the age of gold is over. Henceforth they must dwell in the common light of common day. Only a few, who remain children at heart, can ever find that fair, lost path again; and blessed are they above mortals. They, and only they, can bring us tidings from that dear country where we once sojourned and from which we must evermore be exiles. The world calls them its singers and poets and artists and story-tellers; but they are just people who have never forgotten the way to fairyland."
— L.M. Montgomery (The Story Girl)
"Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive--it's such an interesting world. It wouldn't be half so interesting if we know all about everything, would it? There'd be no scope for imagination then, would there?"
— L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)
"Look at that sea, girls--all silver and shadow and vision of things not seen. We couldn't enjoy its loveliness any more if we had millions of dollars and ropes of diamonds."
— L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables)
"she was richer in those dreams than in realities; for things seen pass away, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
— L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Windy Poplars)
— L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Windy Poplars)
"And people make fun of me because I use big words. But if you have big ideas, you have to use big words to express them, haven't you?"
— L.M. Montgomery
"I can't help flying up on the wings of anticipation. It's as glorious as soaring through a sunset... almost pays for the thud."
— L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Avonlea)
"It will come sometime. Some beautiful morning she will just wake up and find it is Tomorrow. Not Today but Tomorrow. And then things will happen ... wonderful things."
— L.M. Montgomery (Anne of the Island)
Sweet dreams dear world! Goodnight!
— L.M. Montgomery
"I can't help flying up on the wings of anticipation. It's as glorious as soaring through a sunset... almost pays for the thud."
— L.M. Montgomery (Anne of Avonlea)
"It will come sometime. Some beautiful morning she will just wake up and find it is Tomorrow. Not Today but Tomorrow. And then things will happen ... wonderful things."
— L.M. Montgomery (Anne of the Island)
Sweet dreams dear world! Goodnight!
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