How to Be a Good Wedding Guest

I am constantly amazed at the number of people who simply don't know how to behave at weddings these days. I'm sure I have countless friends who--as brides, guests, ushers, pastors, and so forth--could tell a number of stories on guests. I know I would hate to be the guest that the bridal party remembers for years to come because of a faux pas (like Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie for there infamous hats), so I'm writing this blog to share some tips. Hopefully when you read this you'll be relieved since you already know and put into practice these, but in the rare case that you find out something--gasp!--You'll know better next time. Here's to being wedding guests that future brides, grooms, ushers, and wedding coordinators will love to have on the special day! :)

Tip #1: Know what to wear. I've already covered this on a past blog, so check that one out if you have questions. Generally, think about location, time of day, and the formality of the invitation. It's always better to be over-dressed than not.

Tip #2: Always enter the church or ceremony location through the main entrance. Side entrances may or may not be locked, but just because it's unlocked doesn't mean you should use it. The main entrance will have the guest book, programs, and ushers to seat you. From an ushers perspective (thanks Josh & Jeremy Barb), guests who seat themselves and enter from other directions only mess things up for the small number of guys responsible for making sure everyone gets into the right spots. So enter through the main entrance and wait for an usher to show you where to sit.

Tip #3: Going along with #2, if a wedding begins at 4, do NOT show up AT 4 or AFTER 4. You won't be allowed to be seated and you'll only be in the way of the wedding party. Brides and coordinators will not love you for this. Plan ahead and arrive 10-20 minutes before. This will give you time to sign in and be seated before the ceremony begins. Arriving too early will leave you standing around as last minute details are being arranged and--often--pictures are wrapping up, so do not arrive more than 30 minutes ahead of time unless requested.

Tip #4: It's generally frowned at to take pictures from your seat during the ceremony. If you must, make sure the camera flash is off and your camera doesn't make a loud noise.

Tip #5: This is a favorite tip of brides everywhere. Do NOT bring uninvited guests with you. The invitation tells you who is invited and only those people may attend. If the invitation says Mr. and Mrs. Jeremy Barb & Aedan, I know that children are welcome. If the invitation does not include my child's name, I find a babysitter and enjoy! If you are not married your invitation may or may not include "and Guest". If it does, invite your girlfriend, boyfriend, or best friend to come along. If it doesn't, there is probably a space issue at either the ceremony location or the reception and your bringing a guest could leave him or her without a seat-or worse, take the seat of someone who WAS invited. So pay attention to that invitation!

From The Knot: "In one poll of Knot brides, nearly half said that at least one guest had responded for someone who wasn't invited." <--Why it's a big deal to follow Tip #5!!!

Tip #6: RSVP as soon as possible. The invitation usually has a date on it, but the sooner you RSVP the more time the bride has to get final things worked out with the caterer, etc. In addition, if you discover you need to cancel, let her know ASAP so that she has the opportunity to either scale down or invite someone else who she couldn't invite before.

Tip #7: This goes back to clothes, but I feel it must be reiterated because people JUST DON'T GET IT! While black is becoming more acceptable, especially at evening and/or formal weddings, WHITE IS STILL A NO-NO. I saw a lady at a wedding I was at recently wearing a cream skirt suit. She looked lovely, but I'm sure more guests than I were shaking our heads at her from behind our punch cups. DO-NOT-WEAR-WHITE-TO-A-WEDDING. Having white on your outfit is fine, be it stripes, polka dots, flowers, etc, but NOT SOLID WHITE. And white includes all shades of cream and ivory too. Just don't do it!!!

Tip #8: After the wedding, follow the directions of the officiant and/or coordinator and go to the reception area. For many couples, not all the pictures--if any--have been done ahead of time and the sooner the area empties the sooner they can get the pictures done and head over to the reception themselves. Stick around only if asked (unless an extended family picture is planned, usually only grandparents, parents, and siblings need to stay close). Wedding coordinators and photographers can get quickly irritated by others snapping pictures, getting in the way of the photographer, or having loud conversations while they are trying to get their jobs done and get the happy couple to their party.

Tip #9: More often than not, the gift table will be at the reception area. If possible, leave your gift in the car until the reception. It's less work for you and for the groomsmen or other friends who would be responsible for moving them all later anyway.

Tip #10: Keep an eye on your children, or get a babysitter. If children are welcome to attend, some couples provide some form of childcare during the reception, but during the ceremony they are expected to be under the supervision of their parents. Running, messing with decorations, loud crying or talking during the ceremony...These are all reasons why many brides shudder at the thought of even inviting children. If you have children old enough to sit quietly for 30-45 minutes, keep their hands to themselves, and not try to serve themselves cake and food from the buffet line before invited to, no worries. If you're not sure...Play it safe and leave them at home. If you're from out of town, see if you can work out with other friends or family to find a neighbor or family friend who would be willing to watch a group of children during the wedding. Check with the bride or groom's parents about the possibility of having a room available during the ceremony for childcare if you provide the babysitter.

Your job as a wedding guest is to help celebrate the happy day. Do your best to always "do what you would have others do to you", and help make the day as special for the newlyweds as you can.

Have fun!