Congratulations on the birth of your sweet baby!
I want to share the story of my son Aedan's birth two years ago.
My mom has 3 children, all born by c-section. Her doctor told her in 1983 that she would have died trying to give birth to my brother. Even though she has never had the experience of going into labor and pushing her babies into the world, she is so thankful to have us. Because of Mom's experience, I wanted so much to have my baby naturally. I worked with midwives at my doctor's office, read every book in the library on the subject, and explained my birth plan to Jeremy and my mom in great detail. Aedan was due September 23, but the day came and went and at my next appointment they planned to induce. I went to RMH the evening of Sept 29th and was induced the following morning.
Fast forward to Friday, October 1st. Enduring painful contractions with very little progress had left me exhausted. I was barely 5 cm that morning. Around lunchtime I finally agreed to an epidural so that I could rest and hopefully make more progress. When I woke up I was at 5 1/2, but the contractions were pushing my baby's head against my pelvis and they were monitoring him closely for signs of distress. As much as I wanted to keep trying, my body was exhausted. An hour later: no progress. My midwife called in the OB and we decided to go ahead with a c-section. By that point, I just wanted to hold my baby. At 5:04 that afternoon when I heard him cry I was nearly in tears myself.
While his birth was nothing like I had hoped--and I'm still quite sensitive when natural-birth moms share their stories as if it's the only "normal" way--I've come to realize that how I bring my children into the world does not define me as a woman or a mother. While I hope you know this as well, I felt I needed to share. I struggled this summer while pregnant with my daughter--do I try a VBAC? Statistically, it didn't look encouraging. Because of the circumstances of my c-section, my odds of a successful VBAC were low...and dependent on my body going into labor on it's own. We ended up deciding to have Mara by scheduled c-section. Having her was more important to me than how at this point (this was a much more difficult pregnancy). She was born the morning of November 27th, a whopping 8 lbs 11 oz! (Aedan was 6 lbs, 7 oz). All 5 of my mom's living grandchildren were born by c-section. All are practically perfect.
I don't know the circumstances of your baby's birth, but I can understand a little of what your heart is feeling. Know that (if you struggled in labor or had a c-section) you are not a failure as a woman. For your sake I hope that you will eventually experience bringing a baby into the world the way it was "meant" to be done. I recognize I will never have this experience for myself. Regardless, we as moms can continue to be thankful for the technology that allows us to hold our precious darlings in our arms regardless of our ability to bring them here--or their ability to GET here. I wish I knew why some women seem to be unable to birth naturally. If I thought it would matter to me when I reach heaven I'd make a note to ask God. But as I hold my brand new daughter in my arms I know...the only thing that matters is that she's here, she is a gift from God, and the how doesn't really matter.
Love,
Kristin
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